If I could turn back time...
... I would. There are so many do-overs I would take advantage of! Right now the one I wish I could cash in is to say "no" to the well intentioned all day visit tomorrow by the district rep who caught my 19th nervous breakdown. I really DO NOT want her there tomorrow. I LIVE for the breaks when the kids are in specials, lunch or whatever. Now I'll have to "accept help" when I could use that time getting shit done.
Parent/Teacher conferences are over. Some were good, some were ok, and two were just plain hell. Like I needed a parent or two to point out what I already know is not going well and therefore reinforce what I am already so acutely aware of - that I am incredibly unqualified and terribly unsuited for this freakin' job.
Seriously, what the FUCK was I thinking? I should have stayed at FM. I miss the job, I miss the salary, I miss the benefits, I miss what my old life was like (specifically that the job stayed at the job), I miss calling in sick whenever the fuck I wanted, I miss not worrying about money, I miss being provided with the materials to do my job, I miss not having anyone's future in my hands but my own!
This is one do-over I wouldn't think twice about. I'd take it and jump back to that day in February or March, 2005 and lie down until the feeling/idea about quitting/moving/going back to school passed. What the FUCK was I thinking?? How the fuck do I get a do-over??
2 comments:
That was about as good a rant as I have heard, so chances are that you feel at least a little better for having gotten it off your chest. And you probably don't need me to remind you who/what FM is at this moment in history -- and that, had you stayed there, a BIG chunk of your savings would now BE history. And you would now be worried sick that at any moment your job might be history.
So, being the considerate person I am, I won't say a thing.
Love,
Dad
You're so helpful.
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